Dear Past Me

Dear Past Me, 

I know you are hurting. I know your heart is heavy. I know that sometimes, you can’t help but feel ultimately unloved and ignored. Your demons threaten to extinguish your light. You wonder why you are in the depths of your sorrow again, why – it seems – everyone triggers your darkness. Do not grow weary for this is exactly what was prophesied in scripture; it says this life will bring about great suffering, as if it were a promise. But numerous times, it asks you to embrace your suffering as Christ did His cross; let God sanctify it and lead you closer to Him. Do not be despaired as this is exactly the path to holiness, to sainthood. There are no shortcuts. Walt Disney even said when you’re in hell, keep going. A handful of times will arise where it will seem easier to react in anger, to succumb to pride, to relinquish kindness, humility and sacrifice in exchange for the world to see you as someone powerful, not weak. I know you grow tired of giving in to what you ought to do; after all, what you want to do and what you ought to do are frequently at war, and often times, what you want to do is more satisfying because it means you will have proven yourself. But remember: that satisfaction is fleeting; succumbing to the impulsive emotion may be satisfying now, but trust me, you usually end up full of remorse in the long run because you know you shouldn’t have done it – say those hurtful words. Besides, “hurt people hurt people.” You shouldn’t have angrily remarked; you shouldn’t have allowed your pride to take over. I know you want so badly to prove yourself, how badly you wish to be heard, how badly you want someone to deeply and wholeheartedly invest in your well-being…I am here and I want you to remember this: people DO care about you; people don’t ignore you; they want to invest in you. Though that is true, remember that you must learn to affirm yourself; you must learn to find strength from within, to validate your own self. You must learn to tell yourself that you are worthy, worth it, wonderful and have so much to offer – why do you need to look outside to confirm that when those things are already inherent? That is the voice of God, your self-affirmation because ultimately, it is HE who wants you you to feel eternally loved, because…you are. You need only to listen.

Love you,

Future Me

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