Dear Past Me

Take heart, it was in the past. I know it haunts you every now and then – that darkness, albeit a sweet darkness once upon a moon. You are in the light now. You have closed that chapter in your life. He is but a distant past. I know sometimes it feels like a breath away; I know it creeps up when you caress the ivory keys; it was he, after all, who first taught you how to caress those ivory keys. But those eyes – those prodding, piercing, empty, hungry, passionate, fiery eyes…how consumed you were in its flames; and how it deeply burned. Sometimes, it still burns, especially thinking about all the rotten fruits it had produced. Every so often, you have to audibly remind yourself that you are worthy of love. But guess what? I love you. I want you to know the depths of my joy when you listened to that small but still voice in your heart, when you pursued a path less travelled by; when you decided to stand up for yourself and others like you. Do you know how brave you are? You’re so brave, I am standing today with a lion’s heart – more resilient than ever – bringing the hope of Christ to the edges of the world. Because you stood up, because you broke your silence, I am standing with more conviction; because of you my wounds have been healed, and my love is boundless; my compassion is deeper, my inner peace – unwavering. I know that sometimes you feel the Phantom’s shadows lurking in the corner, waiting…singing melancholy melodies of loneliness and despair. Like Kristine, you can’t help but feel pity for he was once your angel of music, awakening your very soul to its ethereal effects. But you needn’t be overcome by it anymore. Perhaps God will save his soul, but it is exactly with God to whom you should relinquish him for this phantom has no place in your world now. Your heart echoes sincere forgiveness and you have done your part. Despite a childhood in darkness, thank you for relentlessly refusing to extinguish your inner flame of hope – or rather, Christ’s inner flame for He dwells in you, in all. Thus, a spark of the divine lies within us all. In time, that flame grew into a fervent fire that would one day become a beacon of light and hope. And here you are today – a beacon of light and hope. Perhaps this is a private victory, but don’t doubt the external fruits it has produced, though seemingly unassuming. The world can be more joyous because of you, did you know? So take heart my beloved. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be here today. I love you. Remember that.

Peace always,

Future Me

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Lighting a prayer candle at Mother Mary’s humble home in Ephesus, Turkey

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St. Peter’s Basilica in Vatican City

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