Deny Yourself 

Dear God,

As I begin to heal, I am reminded more and more just how much I want true happiness…true peace…a kind of peace this world cannot give, but can be attained through, in my experience, God the father, God the Son, and God the spirit. I’m reflecting today on what it means to “carry your cross daily,” to “deny yourself” as Jesus did. It seems so vague doesn’t it? But how do I manifest this so that it is tangible? Pragmatic? *voice of reason (or God’s if you willl) commences* A way to do this is to stop focusing on being angry at how flawed certain peoples’ perceptions are of you and start focusing on being grateful for having people who actually care about you in your life; to stop focusing on where you rank in people’s’ lives and start focusing on giving for the sake of giving without wishing anything in return; but what triggers such things? The anger, the lust, the envy? It is not so much the consequence that you must study, but the root. At the root – the triggers – is where you can make effective decisions that lead to a healthier emotional life. For example, so much from Instagram would send me into a redicilous fury. Instead of managing that fury, I decided I would just forego Instagram for now. Just a personal thing. Instagram isn’t bad – I just had to do it for me. And I know you don’t want to relinquish certain things because it helps you cope, it gives you pleasure, and it numbs the pain (albeit temporarily), but you gotta understand that these things are a direct highway to temptation, and when you are in the realm of temptation, it is too easy to sin. You know this. So instead of having to say “no” to sin (in which case you will most likely be too weak given your experience), say to no to the path that leads to even temptation. It will make you unhappy in the moment, but it will make you happier in the long run. Trust. This is what it means to take up your cross daily. To deny yourself – not to be miserable – because extracting happiness from the external, from the world leads to misery – but to attain the kind of happiness from within. 

Dona nobis pacem. 

Pic below: Montserrat, Spain 

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